You did the work. Months, maybe years. And it helped. You felt lighter. And then one day something came back. A heaviness. The same reaction. A pain that feels like the old one. And almost before the pain, a voice arrives: I failed. All that work for nothing. Nothing works for me.
That voice often hurts more than the pain itself. It carries every therapy, course, book and practice that did not hold. It is not bad. It is saying: I don’t want you to hope again and be disappointed again. But it may not be telling you the full truth.
This session looked at why something comes back. Sometimes your system has become safer, so what was waiting underneath can finally come forward. It looks like the same pain, but it may be the next one. Sometimes it was visited, but never felt safe enough to let go, because under the pain sits a belief formed at the time of the hurt, and the belief keeps making the same pain again. And sometimes life is simply heavy right now, and it presses on the old places. You don’t need to know which one it is. The answer is the same: acceptance, and a promise small enough to keep.
In the practice we went to the one that came back, heard it out, told it that it belongs, and made it one small promise. The sound healing went back to the very beginning, and asked for something many of us never had: a welcome. Balloons, joy, a loving homecoming for the newborn. You are most wanted here.
This session has two parts. You can watch them together in one sitting, or return to each separately — both are complete on their own. Jump directly to any chapter using the timeline markers inside the YouTube player below
When the Pain COMES BACK
Session 169 · 1 November 2026 · When something comes back · The belief under the pain
Part 1
Teaching & opening meditation
• Welcome and grounding
• Opening meditation
• Psychoeducation
Starts at 00:00 12 Min
Part 2
Guided inner work & sound healing
• IFS experiential
• Sound healing
• Closing
Starts at 13:00 47 Min
1 — It is not a verdict. It is a message.
When something comes back after you did the work, it is either something new that is safe enough now to show itself, or something you already met that is asking: are you really coming back for me? You don’t need to know which. And don’t measure whether it comes back. It will. We are human. Measure how long you stay under it. Weeks, then days, then half a day, then ten minutes. And the ten minutes is worth celebrating.
2 — The pain can ease, and the belief stays
Under most pain there is a belief formed at the time of the hurt. I am not safe. It was my fault. I am too much. Nobody stays with me. The feeling can soften while the belief stays behind, quietly making the same pain again. So the work has to reach the belief too. And the new belief is never imposed. It is not you who gives it. The younger one who carried the old one tells you what it wants instead.
3 — Accepted, not understood
Most of us go to our pain with a plan: I will see you, I will feel you, and then you will leave me alone. It knows. And something that feels it is being visited to be removed holds on harder. So the sentence is different, and it is said to the one inside who is holding the pain: you belong to me, I am not here to get rid of you, you can stay as long as you need. Then a promise small enough to keep, because at the time of the hurt somebody came and left. A broken promise is the same story again.
Three Insights from this session’s worth sitting with
Real questions from Sunday's Q&A, shared here anonymously — because if one of you asked it, others are likely carrying the same question quietly.
Questions from the community
1 — When everything in you says "this is rubbish"
Q: Whenever you talk about going back and making a promise, something in me says it is all rubbish. Something else plans to fail, so nobody can say I failed. And there is a controlling voice inside, stricter than anyone outside ever was. The only peace I had today was when it rested in the object.
A: Then don’t fight them. Take them along.
This is something I did not do before, and I do it more now. The one who says it is rubbish, the controlling one, the one who plans to fail. Say to them: come, join the party. I am not fighting you.
When being yourself has felt dangerous, the negotiation has to come from inside. Ask them: under what condition will you let me be myself for ten minutes? Then twenty. Then an hour.
And the moments of peace you had today, stick to them. That small light is you. And notice one more thing. The voice that says it is all rubbish keeps bringing you back here. It could have kept you away. There is light in it too.
2 — When a big change is coming and the anxiety rises
Q: A big change may be coming in my life, something I want. And I am frightened. In the practice I met a young one inside who has been holding on very tightly, and I think it is the one who reaches for something when it gets too much. How do I work with this anxiety?
A: First the inner story, then the outer story. The anxiety is telling you it needs to be seen before the change, not after.
Do it in order. If some of what you carry came from a parent, release that first with the legacy practice. Then go to the young one you met. Let it tell you why it holds what it holds. Go back every day. It may need many days before it trusts you. Then, if it allows, go to whoever it is protecting. Separately, but with it there.
And don’t be hard on yourself for how long this takes. It took me twelve years.
3 — "I can’t say ‘you belong to me’ — I want it gone"
Q: When I said "you belong to me, I am not going to make you go away," the overwhelmed one inside did not believe me. Because I do want it gone. My love for it is conditional, the way a parent’s love was for me.
A: Let me make this clear, for everyone. That sentence is not said to the pain. It is said to the one inside who is holding the pain. The more it hears that you want to get rid of it, the stronger it becomes.
So two things. You acknowledge it is here. And you promise to come back.
And if what it carries came from a parent, that is a legacy. It is theirs, not yours. Run the legacy practice once. Then go to the younger one who came today, every day, for ten days. And if a younger one ever tells you it is tired of pain and wants to have fun, then have fun with it. Nine out of ten, that means it is free.
4 — When social situations frighten you
Q: My anxiety makes plans and schedules, and then I do almost nothing. I only come alive around people. But being with people frightens me.
A: Social anxiety is not who you are. It is a voice in you that wakes up the moment you walk into the room, and then you are gone. So meet it before you go.
Sit at home and imagine going. Walk in, in your mind. You will feel it come up. Then ask it: what will make you feel safe, so that I can be there? Don’t argue. Don’t judge. If it asks for something you cannot do, ask what else would help. Then do exactly what it asked. And if you miss it once, go back and apologise.
That voice is your best friend. It has been protecting you. And you have been criticising your best friend.
5 — When a belief says love is too dangerous
Q: Very early on, I decided that love is too dangerous to risk. When someone I care about comes close, I get frightened and push them away. And now an important conversation with someone I love is coming, and I am on eggshells.
A: Don’t judge the belief. As long as it is there, everything you say and do makes sense. And whatever in you protects you will undo anything that goes against it.
Most approaches work with the event, and sometimes the belief goes with it. But if nobody went to the belief and asked whether it still holds, and let a new one come in, it comes back and shows itself again.
Before the conversation, rehearse it at home. They say hello, and you notice who shows up inside. Ask the worried ones: what do you need from me, to feel safe in this conversation? And know this. The other person is on eggshells too, because you are. Their system will feel the difference in you before you say a word.
6 — When the old belief just changes shape
Q: I have been telling the youngest one in me, over and over, "you do matter." But the old belief is still there. It has only changed shape.
A: Then it was not released. And it is not you who gives the new belief. The little one has to tell you.
If you say, "this is your new belief," the little one says, "I don’t feel it." And the moment you impose, you are doing to the little one what was done before. Things were imposed on the little ones most of the time.
So follow the belief to whoever holds it. Witness that one. Bring it to a safe place. Let it release the pain. And then ask: what qualities do you want to bring in? What new belief? Then bring it into every cell, yours and theirs. We never impose. We always ask.
Your practice this fortnight
Your practice this fortnight
One — keep your promise. Ten minutes a day, for ten days, with your object in your hand. Go to the one that came back and ask two questions: What do you want me to know today? And, what do you need from me? If you miss a day, go the next day.
Two — in the middle of an ordinary day, when something comes back: one hand on your chest, one breath, and inside: "I see you. I am coming back to you." If you notice three hours later, say it three hours later.
Three — before something that frightens you, a call, a gathering, a decision, rehearse it at home first. Notice who shows up inside. Ask what it needs to feel safe, so you can be there. Then do what it asked.
And keep count of how long you stay under it. Weeks, days, hours, ten minutes. When it gets shorter, celebrate. "We did that."
The recording, including the tuning fork sound healing, is in the WhatsApp and Telegram groups, along with the legacy release practice and Inner Child Practice
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