"You don't need to judge your garden. You only need to know what's growing there."
Most people skip this step. They want the solution immediately. But healing begins with truth—not harsh truth, just honest seeing.
This is where you stop fighting shadows and start understanding the patterns that keep you stuck.
What "Know Your Garden" Really Means
This step is about becoming aware of what you're dealing with—the reality beneath the surface—so you can see what's really going on inside.
You're not broken. You're not a collection of problems to solve.
You're caught in patterns—patterns that made sense at one time, but now hold you back.
In this step, we look for three things:
The repeating patterns — Is this a cycle? Does the same emotional experience show up across different areas of your life?
The impact — How does it affect your energy, relationships, sleep, confidence, health, joy?
The protective responses — What you automatically do when life gets hard: overthink, shut down, people-please, push harder, numb out, try to control everything.
When you can see your garden clearly, you stop blaming yourself—and you start understanding yourself.
What Happens If You Skip This Step
f you don't know what you're really dealing with, you'll keep treating the wrong thing.
You'll work on the symptoms (anxiety, overwhelm, exhaustion) without seeing the deeper pattern underneath.
You'll push yourself harder, try more strategies, blame yourself for "not being disciplined enough"—when the real issue is that you haven't yet seen the garden you're standing in.
What Happens When You Do This Step Well
You stop feeling like you're drowning in chaos.
You stop thinking: "What's wrong with me?"
And you start thinking: "Oh. This is what keeps happening. This is the pattern. It makes sense."
That shift—from "I'm broken" to "I can see what's happening"—changes everything.
The Four-Part Inquiry
This process takes 20–30 minutes. You can do it on your own, with a journal, or using the downloadable worksheet below.
Part A: Name What's Happening
What is happening in your life right now that doesn't feel okay? Is this new—or have you felt this before?
Part B: See the Impact
How does this show up in your body, relationships, work, and emotions?
Part C: Notice the Automatic Response
When you feel this way, what do you automatically do? What does it cost you? What does it protect you from feeling?
Part D: Notice the Voices and Responses
What are the different responses that show up? Pushing yourself? Criticizing yourself? Worrying? Freezing? Pleasing everyone? Going numb?
When you finish, you'll have mapped your garden—and you'll understand yourself in a way you haven't before.
Get the complete Step 1 worksheet with detailed prompts, reflection space, and guidance.
This worksheet walks you through the four-part inquiry with space to write your reflections.
Sometimes it's easier to do this work with guidance. This 8-minute practice gently walks you through the inquiry process.
Find a quiet space. Grab your journal. Press play.
In this 5-minute video, Manu explains why this step is the foundation of all lasting change—and what happens when you skip it.
Troubleshooting - Step 1 (Know You Garden)
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Step 1 is not about reliving pain. It's about seeing what's happening so you can stop being controlled by it. You can do this gently. You can take breaks. The goal is clarity, not overwhelm.
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Knowing the symptom isn't the same as seeing the pattern. Step 1 helps you move from "I'm anxious" to "There's a pattern where I criticize myself whenever I feel out of control—and it's trying to protect me from something."
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That's exactly why we're doing this. When you can name the 1–2 big patterns and the main responses, it becomes workable instead of overwhelming.
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That's your body telling you something important came up. It's okay to stop. Come back when you're ready. If you need support, reach out to a therapist or trusted guide.
How to Know Step 1 Is Working
You'll notice:
✓ Less self-blame — You stop thinking "What's wrong with me?" and start thinking "This is what's happening."
✓ More curiosity — Instead of fighting yourself, you wonder: "Why does this response show up? What is it protecting me from?"
✓ Patterns become visible — You start to see the same response across different situations.
✓ Responses become familiar — You can name them: "There's the criticizing. There's the people-pleasing."
✓ A sense of relief — Even though nothing has changed externally, something shifts internally.
Ready for Step 2
(Clear the weeds)?
Once you know your garden—once you can see the patterns, the responses, the impact—you're ready to clear the weeds.
Not by force. Not by shame. But by approaching what's holding you back with curiosity and compassion.